Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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