DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
