I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
