we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize