Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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