Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
