Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize