well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
