smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
