I am full of burrito and curiosity
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
