I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
