i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
