I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
