is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
