Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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