did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
