you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
