I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
