I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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