I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
