The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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