That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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