They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
