Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
