I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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