She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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