I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
