you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
