definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
