new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am available for nakedness
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
