I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize