Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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