Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
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I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
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Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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