someone get that fucking seahorse.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
