somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Small penises have feelings too.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I need moral support for this bender
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
