To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
