Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
