We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
