I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the night ended with taco bell and tears
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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