party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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