dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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