dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.