you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...