just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.