Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
