when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
