I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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