Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
