No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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