I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
