lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
