I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
