my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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