On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
