Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
