i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
please don't ironically join a cult
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