he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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