My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
