Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
